Chapter Twenty-Seven – Not how I thought this would go.

The things he said… they were intensely arousing. He'd been researching this for a while, and it turned me on. My panties are already damp. The idea of giving my entire self to him… yes, as a submissive. I would have such a deep level of control; the right to say no and still have agency. But I don't think I have it in me to trust completely. Without complete trust, it wouldn't work. How does one give themselves to another in such a manner? I sigh, setting my laptop aside and trying to ignore the throbbing between my thighs.

Did I make a mistake dismissing Wyatt’s talk? I wouldn’t be signing up for a damn monthly subscription. I can research as much as I want, but everyone has their own way of doing things. The best thing for me to do is go straight to the source, Wyatt. I don’t even know my own way of doing things. The best thing for me to do to get answers is…

He used to get everything he wanted. If he’s still talking to me… he doesn’t take rejection well. The idea of him choosing me out of all the women he knows still baffles me. Does he see something in me that I don’t see in myself? God, I’ve never been so confused in my entire life. How did I go from promising myself to stay away from him to considering his offer? It’s been a week or so, not months. This man is messing with my head without even trying too hard.

I reach for my phone to check the time. It’s three in the morning; I’m up in three hours for work, and I don’t know if there’s any point in going to sleep. I sigh and open a text to Wyatt. There’s a chance he’ll still be awake since he doesn’t sleep well.

Hey, I’m sorry I ran off earlier. I was overwhelmed, but I shouldn’t have done it. It’s a lot to process. x

I stare at the screen, deciding what to do. I take a deep breath and hit send. I won’t hold my breath for a reply. I set my phone down next to me on my pillow, close my eyes, and get lost in my thoughts. Everything I read is swirling around in my head. The sound of my phone beeping grabs my attention. Has he replied? I scoop it up and see it’s a text from Wyatt.

What are you doing awake at this time? You should be asleep xx

I automatically roll my eyes when I read it. Even after I run away, he’s still bossy.

I couldn’t sleep. I had too much on my mind xx

He doesn’t text back, but I soon get a video call request. I sigh, take a deep breath, and answer. His handsome face appears on the screen. He’s lying on his bed, shirtless. I try not to get too distracted by his half-naked body.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry I ran away. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“It’s fine. I get it. It was too much for you. I should have eased you into it more.” He says, shaking his head.

“No, I’m glad you were open and honest with me about it. I couldn’t sleep, and my curiosity got the better of me.” I whisper.

He stares at me for a moment. “You ended up doing some research, huh?”

I nod. “Yes. I had to. I needed to know more.”

“And what’s the verdict? Are you disgusted? Confused? Fearful?” he asks softly.

I shake my head. “None of those things.”

My words pique his interest. “Then what did they make you feel?”

I chew on my lip and break eye contact with him. “It turned me on,” I whisper.

“Which part?”

I draw in another breath, letting it out before I look up at him. “All of it.”

A smirk curls on his lips. “Hmm, interesting.”

“Oh, don’t look so smug,” I huff.

He laughs loudly. “I can’t help myself. I love it when I’m right. I told you you’d enjoy it.”

“There’s a difference between reading and doing it.”

“Has it changed your mind?” he asks, hope filling his eyes again.

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. “Wyatt, I’ve been let down and hurt so many times in my life. I don’t know if I can trust someone on such a deep level.”

“Is it that you don’t think you can trust anyone on such a deep level, or is it me you don’t think you can trust?”

“No, it’s… you. I mean, in general. It’s a lot to give someone.”

“Alyssa, I know it isn’t easy to trust. I know better than anyone, but the bond that can grow between a Dom and a sub can be healing. It’s a deep connection, one that benefits both involved. It helped with my trauma. It’s strong and caring.” He says softly.

“And what if it all goes to hell? What if I don’t like it? What if it turns out I’m not what you need? What happens then?”

I know there are a lot of questions, but they are ones I need answered.

“If you don’t like it, then we stop. It can’t be forced, Alyssa. If it doesn’t work, then it wasn’t meant to be. If it does work, it won’t all go to hell.” He replies.

“It is a lot to take in.”