Chapter 50

Hannah

I stood in front of the full-length mirror, my hands trembling slightly as I drew in a deep, steadying breath. Slowly, almost as though I was afraid of seeing my own skin, I lifted the hem of my oversized t-shirt and bared the pale expanse of my midriff to my scrutinizing gaze.

There it was—the slightest swell of softness rounding out my stomach, the faintest hint of curves returning to my hollowed frame. My ribs weren’t quite as pronounced beneath my skin as they had been mere weeks ago, the sharp ridges giving way to a smoother, healthier silhouette.

I had gained weight. I should have been happy, but… I wasn’t.

A flicker of panic lanced through me at the sight of my belly, that ever-present voice in the back of my mind whispering its cruel taunts: You’re getting fat again. Disgusting. Weak. Unlovable.

I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing the toxic thoughts away as I focused on the breathing exercises I had learned in counseling. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Slow and steady, just like that.

“I am beautiful,” I whispered to myself, the mantra still feeling strange and awkward on my lips. “And I strive to be healthy.”

A soft snort of laughter drew my attention, and I glanced over my shoulder to find Viona and Amber lounging on the bed behind me, matching expressions of amused fondness on their faces as they swirled their wine.

“What?” I said.

“Sorry,” Viona said, sitting up. “We’re not making fun of you. It’s just cute, seeing you work so hard on this.”

Amber nodded in agreement, taking a sip of her wine. “We’re really proud of you. But I guess we never took you for the mantra type.”

I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment, even though I knew they weren’t being serious, quickly tugging my shirt back down to cover myself. “Neither did I. It feels awkward.”

“Maybe, but you’re making progress,” Viona pointed out. “That’s what matters. Plus, that support group seems to be doing wonders for you so far.”

“In more ways than one,” Amber added.

It was true—I had only been to two meetings so far, but already I was starting to feel like I could understand my eating disorder a bit better. It also helped that word was spreading about my attendance, causing people to see me as more of a person than some kind of untouchable vase of a woman. And if I wanted support, if I wanted to return to my old pack and become Alpha, then I needed to keep going.

“Yeah, it really has been helpful,” I agreed with a small smile. “I’m actually kind of excited to go back this week.”

Amber arched a brow. “Speaking of which, you mentioned wanting to do some other stuff too, right? Something about getting more involved or whatever?”

I nodded, sinking down onto the foot of the bed with a sigh. “Yeah, that’s right. I’m just… I’m tired of feeling like nothing more than a glorified trophy wife, you know? Like I’m only good for looking pretty on Noah’s arm and that’s it.”

Viona scoffed and gestured with her wine glass. “Oh, please. You’re so much more than that, Hannah. You’re one of the strongest, most capable women I know.”

I couldn’t help but snort. “Maybe to you,” I conceded. “But I want other people to see that. Noah actually agreed to let me start working with him on some pack stuff, and I want to prove to everyone—him included—that I can be a real leader, not just some pretty little ornament.”

Amber nodded slowly, seeming to mull over my words. “Well, in that case, you should probably start small,” she suggested. “Build up your confidence and leadership skills bit by bit before you dive headfirst into the deep end, you know?”

I considered that for a moment before giving a hesitant nod of agreement. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. But what did you have in mind?”

“Just little things at first,” Amber said with a casual shrug. “Like, I don’t know, reading to kids at the library or helping out at the soup kitchen on weekends. Stuff like that.”

“Luna stuff,” Viona added.

Luna stuff. I hated that terminology, but they were right. If I wanted to become an Alpha, then I needed to prove that I was capable as a Luna first. And it just so happened that Lunas were most revered when they participated in the community.

“You know, that’s actually a really great idea,” I mused. “I could definitely see myself doing something like that, and it would be good practice for working with people in a leadership role.”

Viona grinned, already whipping out her phone. “Well, what are we waiting for then? Let’s look into signing up to volunteer this weekend!”

I beamed back at her, suddenly feeling lighter than I had in ages. “You guys are the best, you know that?”

As Viona tapped away at her screen, Amber leaned back against the pillows, regarding me with a thoughtful look. “You know, this could be a really good opportunity to let Emma tag along too,” she pointed out. “Show her that you’re serious about turning over a new leaf and all that.”

I opened my mouth to agree, but Viona beat me to it, letting out a derisive snort as she glanced up from her phone.

“Emma?” she repeated, her nose wrinkling with distaste. “Come on, are you serious right now? After the way she used to treat you?”

I held up a placating hand, shaking my head. “No, Amber’s right,” I insisted. “Emma and I… well, we’ve sort of made amends recently. She’s in a really tough spot with her husband right now, and it seems like she’s been trying to change her ways. I think having her involved in something positive like this could be really good for her. For all of us.”

Viona didn’t look entirely convinced, but Amber simply shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the suggestion. “As long as you feel comfortable with it, there’s no harm in trying.”

Nodding decisively, I pulled out my own phone and typed out a quick message to Emma, filling her in on our plans and inviting her to join us. Her reply came back almost instantly—a simple “I would love to!” accompanied by a smiley face emoji.

After a few minutes, Viona finished submitting our applications. Our conversation turned to other things—such as upcoming events, the Lunar Festival, that sort of thing. I knew that Viona and Amber were trying not to bring up that strange little double date with Zoe and Drake, which I had filled them in on, and I was grateful for it.

I didn’t want to think about my soon-to-be ex-husband, his love, or her ex-husband today. I wanted to think about working on myself and becoming better, not just for myself, but for my pack. For my rightful place as Alpha.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, Viona’s phone chimed.

“Hey,” she announced, holding up the screen with a triumphant grin. “Our application to volunteer was accepted already.”